Through exploring this, images of nests and eggs have been a focus, as surely the nest is where babies are most safe? Text such as 'safe and warm', 'wrapped in my arms' and 'hidden from view' have all featured in the pieces.
Mixed Moments: Piece depicting the mixed emotions of early motherhood.
The nest is lined with opposing words such as 'excitement/boredom'
elation/exhaustion, the only word without an opposing one is LOVE LOVE
as within this roller coaster I have only ever felt love for my babies.
Nest-Building 1 and 2
However, I am now feeling like there has been some sort of shift and that there is now more control over this protecting obsession. I have questioned if this really is my role? As a protector I also could become a life stifler! I want my girls to live bravely and with joy, how can this happen if they remain wrapped in a secure netting? And as we see in nature, even in the nest total protection is not possible, as the cuckoo could always come and push the babies out for its own ends!
I have decided to try to control this protection 'thing' and try to focus on living with joy instead of dread, in turn preparing my girls to do the same. This is where the imagery of the flight platform kicks in.
At the moment, in my current stage of motherhood, my role is moving away from the nest building /protecting ( the natural urge when our babies are tiny) towards the so quickly starting process of slowly letting go over time whilst joy facilitating! The very act of teaching our babies to develop independent skills is the start of this letting go as mummy! Just as the baby birds eventually leap from the nest and fly away so too our own babies will follow. I hope my flight platform for my girls is joy-laced so they can leap into a world of brave living, dancing, singing , creativity and friendships and at the same time I also hope their flight platforms are very tall so I can watch from a distance knowing I did a good job whilst they were on loan to me during the precious days of now.
Nest-building 3 and detail of flight platform sketch
it is in sketch format because it is still a distant idea
and as yet not a reality in my life as mum.
I would love any comments from mums who have experienced any of these things for themselves or have a different take on motherhood. What phase are you in as mummy... as I truly believe it is a changing landscape we move through as a mother?